I'M SO EXCITED!

Working on something. It's going really well. Most excited I've been since...can't even remember the last time I was this excited!! Pray for me, everyone!

School Daze pt.2

Hiding out in the computer lab right now. Tired. Anxious. Need coffee. Need breakfast. Not going to get either right now, cause I can't afford it.

I have a Statistics class, a math 115 class, and a upper level Psych class this quarter. That means I am stressed the fuck out. These classes are hardcore. So I don't want to work this quarter, to focus on school. The thing is, I'm broke as a joke. I have bills to pay, and groceries to buy, and all that money I saved up during the summer is flitting away faster than...well....I'm too tired to think of a good simile.

I need a job because I need money. But I need to focus on school because I'm struggling enough as it is without a job, and having a job will take more time away from studying and cause me even more stress. However, it is causing me stress not having a job and not being able to pay for bills. It appears time to study is a luxury I can't afford.

What am I supposed to do?

"It's a...hellhole."

How could I have forgotten how awful Cheney is? Did I have such an eventful, weird summer that it somehow slipped my mind that going back to Eastern is a rediculously bad idea?

But its like Senayt said, I'm not a lost cause yet. Before I get sucked into this vortex of despair, loneliness, and Republicanism that is Eastern Washington University, I have to remember why I'm here in the first place. Get in, get my degree, get out. Once I do that I can get back to the real world.

In the meantime there are things here that can distract me. Working on my screenplay. Friends in Spokane to go out with, take me away from EWU for a few days of fun. In fact, I think I'll do that this weekend.

school daze.

Going back to school this week. Yup, it's that time of year again; when I grab my crap and high-tail my ass back to college. There are times when I've really dreaded it, and there were times when my fam was driving me so crazy that I really looked forward to it. This year I've got mixed feelings about it.

Actually I've got no feelings about it. I'm not dreading it, but I'm not looking forward to it either. It just...is. There's nothing I can do about it; I'm going back there whether I like it or not. It's like I'm resigned to my fate, but with even less emotion behind it, because resignation means some decision's been made on my part. I feel completely blank about this.

That's not normal, is it?

DAAAAAMMMMN.

It's really not that big a deal, homie! I'm just trying to keep it friendly, not trying to stalk you or anything. Since when does cordiality garner outright avoidance and disrespect? You don't need to ignore me like I'm some kind of high school groupie with a crush on the star quarterback. Just because I'm polite doesn't mean I'm in love with you.

Are you really that afraid of me or something? Get a grip!

Lately I've discovered I have a thing for Indian guys.

It's true.

Just got home from work. Tired but happy. Why? Just got my paycheck AND have the whole weekend off. Gonna get my hair done, my eyebrows waxed--go all out and spend a weekend doting on myself. I definately need it.

Green Team!

Just watched the "Green Team!" video, on Will Ferrell's Funny or Die website. That shit was hilarious, son!! LMFAO

I've been meaning to get back to blogging, but I've been so damn busy. There's beens some new stuff happening in my life, and let's not forget that I work nonstop, which though exhausting is still better than the alternative (having plenty of free time, but also having no money whatsoever).

I'm not sure how I feel about my job. There's plenty of good things about it. For the most part, I love my coworkers. I work with coffee and ice cream all day, which is fun in itself. My customers are mostly international tourists, which is super interesting. Gets even better when they are hot British/Australian/Indian/etc dudes who wink at me and give me big tips. One group of British soccer players even referred to me as the "cute ice cream girl" and asked what time I got off!!!!!!!! HOTNESSS

But the bad things, though few, are still pretty big. For one, I hate the owner of the place. She is incredibly disrespectful and very very cheap, which is an awful combination. Example: I've worked ten hour shifts with only one break...and its not a paid break! When I tried to talk to her about this, she called me lazy! The bitch shows up once every couple of days for only an hour, and she's calling me lazy?

And her husband--he's from Morocco, and hates black people. This isn't an assumption, this is a fact confirmed by all my coworkers who've told me to watch out for him. He makes only the few black people who work there do all the heavy manual labor. I hate how he looks at me, like he's just looking for a reason to fire me. That's why I'm always on my toes right when I enter the building; I work my ass off just so they'll consider me capable enough to work there.

With all this on my brain, I've got no time for extraneous douchebaggery. This is why I've cut all ties with this guy I've been seeing. He's canceled on me four times in two months, and then he's going to act like I should be at home waiting for him anyway?? Calling me up saying, "I'm sorry about canceling on you today, but I'm going to come over to your house tomorrow to make up for it." The audacity! Not even asking if I'm actually free that day. He really thinks I'm going to be sitting at home every day, just waiting for him to drop by and spend some time wtih me. Hell to the no. I've got my own life to live.

Well, on my few days off, at least I have Will Ferrell videos and Fresh Prince of Bel Aire youtube clips to cheer me up. :)

Seth Rogan is surprisingly ugly and more than a little overrated.

It's true. I just heard about his beef with Adrien Grenier and the cast of Entourage. Seth, give up. They are more talented and FAR better looking than you are. You just can't win this one.

I'm hiding out in the library right now. Why? Cause it's 105 degrees outside. It's fucking HOT. And everybody knows I can't take heat well. I can't even flat-iron my hair without breaking out into hives. (Figuratively speaking.) Anyway, not only is this place air-conditioned, it's filled with books and wi-fi and all kinds of things to distract me.

So I grabbed a day's worth of shit to keep me busy and came to the local library. I am intent on staying here until it gets dark; I even packed a lunch.

I'm glad I had the last couple of days off, to be able to do this. As much as I like my new job, I wouldn't have been able to do a damn thing, as suffocating as this heat is. Yesterday I nearly passed out. I was laying on the carpet downstairs and I think I was actually unconcious for a few minutes. Fucking scary, son.

Skiddly Bop!

I got a job, peoples!! Which equals money. Which equals buying enough groceries to be able to last the house more than a week, helping the 'rents pay the mortgage and electricity, and things of that nature. Plus a little money in the pocket for things for myself, like shopping for new clothes--I need a new wardrobe because I've been losing weight!! True, it's due more to stress than anything else, but still. I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere here.

FINALLY. Things are looking up.

And in the spirit of awesome things, I'm going to end this blog with a funny clip from Living Single...g'damn I love Max!

It's hard out here for a pimp...and I'm no pimp.

Man, things are rough right now.

Money is tight with the 'rents, tighter than its ever been. So I decided to move back home to help out. Sure, I enjoyed the freedom of having my own place 5 hours away from home, probably more than I've ever enjoyed anything; but if the family needs me, I'm more than happy to oblige.

The thing is, there are NO jobs in Seattle right now. I've worn my feet out walking all over downtown, turning in resume after resume. I'm honestly not trying to brag, but I do have plenty of even the most basic customer service experience, which means I'm actually overqualified to work at some of the places I've recently applied to. Which makes them not even calling me back for an interview doubly humiliating. Argh.

To add to that, the 'rents aren't making this situation any easier. I am well aware of how stressed out they are right now, and that they're not going to be in the best of moods. But I came all the way out there to help THEM! I'm suffering like this for THEM! Can I get a little aknowledgement, some kind of appreciative gesture? At least can they stop treating me like a damn four year old and see me as more of an adult??

Man, this weather doesn't help either. It's been hot as hell the last couple of weeks, and my body doesn't react well to it; I get migranes and body aches. Though that could be due to stress. Egad.

A Rant On a Hot Day. (also a little bit about House MD)

I've been watching House since I got home from class...at least six episodes, at about an hour an episode. If it was any other show I'd probably be hurling by now. Thank God for the inexplicable hotness of Hugh Laurie.

I've been thinking about the different methods people use to validate their lives to themselves. Some people buy only the most high end clothes and shoes, just to decorate their closets like the set of a fashion shoot. Some people "find God", completely immersing themselves in not just religious beliefs but showing off those religious beliefs, simultaneously acting like they're better than everyone and trying to convert as many people as possible. Some people devote themselves to their relationships, taking great pleasure in broadcasting to the whole world that they have a significant other and/or children, and that anybody who doesn't must be pitied; never mind that some people would rather be alone than have to settle for the first person who will date them, just to say that they're in a relationship.

What's bringing this on? Well, lately I've been thinking about the past, specifically my time at Foster High School. Anyway, it occured to me that a lot of people I went to school with are either pregnant, currently have kids, engaged or married, or have found God. (Or all of the above.) And some of those people have actually bragged that their lives are more "fulfilled" then mine.

Really. Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with any of those things they're finding so much enjoyment in. But it seems like if you're a married pregnant 19 year old who already had a child with another person, maybe you should be trying to find other ways to add meaning to your life, and maybe you shouldn't condemn people who don't feel the same way. Thinking a baby or a relationship or a religion will solve all your problems if you make it the whole point of your existence is not healthy, nor will it actually work.

One more thing left to say before I go back to watching House: it's great you have something in your life you feel proud of, but remember, you had a life before it, and you'll have a life after it. Acting like everything's a 100% awesome now indicates that it was less than that before, which includes everyone in it. And I don't care how "enlightened" you feel right now, that's no excuse for you to be a patronizing asshole to someone because you now think your life is better than theirs.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine SUCKS.

Man, I was actually really looking forward to watching that movie...and it turned out crap-tastic as ever, in both story and action sequences. Poop on a stick with a brick on a dick.



What a retarded ass movie. I can't believe I spent money on it.

Living Single is definitely chicken soup for the college kid's soul.

"Do you think having sex without love is a sin?" "If it is, then I'll see you in hell!!" HAHAHAA

What's up with the Oxygen channel being the only network that plays Living Single reruns? It was a popular enough sitcom that a lot of networks would benefit from playing it, even if it's in the middle of the night like what Nick at Night does for Fresh Prince of Bel Aire reruns. (Yes, I've spent some sleepless nights soothing myself by watching Fresh Prince...)

Oxygen doesn't have a set time for when they play Living Single reruns; they just play it whenever they feel like it. And the only schedules they put on their website are for their crappy ass original TV shows, like Pretty Wicked. Since Oxygen is the only place that will play Living Single, and only the first season is out on DVD, I as a Living Single fan am pretty much screwed. Blah.

This is why I love Scrubs.

That clip is one of the many reasons why Scrubs is the best sitcom on the air right now. Great writing, great acting, even a great cameo from the show's creator Bill Lawrence. Of course, Hollywood wouldn't recognise quality if it wore Heidi Montag's breast implants; Scrubs has its series finale in May, to too little fanfare. Eight seasons, and barely any Emmys...actually, I don't think it has any Emmys.

This bullshit is the reason I want to get into filmmaking. Not for the celebrity, or for the flashy parties; I want to help make movies and TV shows that appeal to anyone not interested in yet another recycled Judd Apatow flick or "fat ugly stupid middleaged man married to a surprisingly hot woman who would never be into him in real life, and hijinks ensue!" sitcom.

Though those aren't the worst things I've seen on TV. Anybody remember the O.C., a show that unabashedly basked in its upper class super white-ness? Never mind that it was supposed to take place in California, one of the most (if not number 1) diverse states in the US. But on that show you never saw anything but super rich white teens without any real problems, the one possible exception being Ryan, the "troubled young man" from *gasp!* Chino. Chino? Chino is their scary ghetto? It's the fucking suburbs! I'm from southcentral LA, so that shit is downright insulting.

May 6, 2009 is the one hour series finale for Scrubs. Another rare quality TV show bites the dust. As a diehard fan, watching it will most likely make me depressed as hell. But knowing that one of the few worthwhile shows is kicking the bucket really pushes me to start writing, in a way that nothing else does. Necessity isn't the real mother of invention; its anger at all the crappy other inventions making it big and wanting to have at least a few inventions in this world that don't suck balls. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

70 degree temperature really gets me down.

It's way too damn hot today...egad. It's like somebody opened up a tanning booth shop inside my apartment.

You ever feel like something's not right? And it takes you forever to even realize that something's off, so figuring out what exactly is wrong takes even longer, or doesn't happen at all?

Oh forget it. I don't even know if I'm making any sense. The heat is frying my brain, and I'm too weak to concentrate on doing anything, including hw or working on that paper that's due on Thursday. See? I'm now thinking about that paper, and I'm not dissolving into panic or desperately typing away or anything....I'm feeling too damn lazy and out of it to even care.

I'm feeling blog-tastic today.

I've discovered blogger.com!

This will be great, like the journal I never had...except very public, with other people reading it. Haha.

Well, if nothing else, this will be a great writing excercise. Since my Creative Writing class, which was like two school quarters ago, I haven't been writing anything (except class notes and homework assignments, which don't count. ^_^) I'll try to do a blog at least once every few days, get slowly back into the writing game.

Yah heard?

(That last thing was for Tsega and Ruth...I'm thinking about making that my signature.)